What is a wife's responsibility in solving marital conflict?
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Desiring God
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Desiring God
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26 comments
I think submitting to husband as a wife is not a problem, problem is when husband thinks he can bully his wife and treat her any how he wishes to and starts abusing the rights that he has as a husband. Christ said love your wife meaning show her love whenever she's not happy so when she's happy there wont be any problem submitting to her husband.
Where the humility if the "godly" wife in your story?
what if a wife pretends to be Christian who doesn't read the word of God, pray, fellowship with others, and her advice is not from God but probably the enemy spitting criticixm, negativity, disruptive and unruly. She pretends to be a saint to her friends so that she can give them the gossip. She slanders others when others are not around. Ugh. I know I'm supposed to love the unlobable but I've asked the Lord to just take me so many times and His answer is not yet. I feel helpless.
How about just answering without the analogy? Nope. It HAS to be a Jesus and the Church analogy. SMH
I just scrolled down looking over some comments. TWICE respondents have stated, there is no marital conflict if the wife submits. Translation: wife has NO voice, ideas, opinions, observations, wisdom. to contribute to the marriage. A non person. But Jesus knows her personhood and her grief. The husband doesn't or care? Onus all on wife. Husb bears no responsibility? All men are healthy spiritually and emotionally ALL the time?
Great teaching!!!🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you so much for sharing that for us wives and any husband's that are watching. I applaud you for your courage to answer a difficult question, i thank you for being humble and not allowing pride to get in the way! GOD bless you and your family.
His illustration confuses me. In that scenario, the husband hadn’t done anything wrong except he clearly has trouble paying attention to details, which seems to be a male trait. His actions were loving—unless he purposely tried to bring the wrong drinks, he was serving his family and just made an error. His response indicated there’s an ongoing problem, probably a pattern of him trying to serve his wife but inevitably messing up details and the wife becoming exasperated because she’s already low on energy from caring for their child. Her disrespect will corrode their relationship. He’s learned it’s better to withdraw than to work on resolving the problem. If the wife really needed to make a point, she could have asked him to watch their child while she went to get some ice and the right juice, not with a hateful attitude but out of an effort to make it clear they’re working together. I agree with comments saying the Pastor side-stepped the question and tried to make it more palatable for women. And isn’t that the same mentality the withdrawn husband had?
So a wife's responsibility is somehow the husband's fault.
John Piper's answer to, "What is a wife's responsibility to solve conflict in a marriage," is a word of correction for the husband. 😂😂😂
This weak feminist progressive teaching is why the church has a 50% divorce rate.
It's really simple. There is no Biblical basis for conflict in the marriage. It can ONLY happen when the wife isn't willing to submit. The husband should seek her counsel and insight, but ultimately, it's up to him to make the decision.
Even if it's something she REALLY feels is the Lord's will, He will NEVER ask her to argue and fight with her husband to push for it. Let's say she feels the Lord is calling them to a different Church, but the husband wants to stay with the current one. Even if she IS right and hearing God correctly, what she should do is make her case(not ARGUE it) but then leave it with the Husband. If he says no, then she can leave it in the Lord's hand to help her husband see. But ARGUING with him, or trying to CONVINCE him to do it, is NEVER OK.
The only exception of course would be sin. We are NEVER to submit to ANYONE if they ask us to sin or do something illegal or immoral.
Covering the bruises.
What if he doesn’t think he ever does anything wrong? What if he isn’t receptive? What if he doesn’t lead spiritually as he should? Coke without ice…really? This is a serious question about marital problems.
Please pray for my husband Jeremy. He has bipolar disorder and is in a very dark place. He has become bitter and angry. He has been saying he wants to give up on life. He is a believer but he has quit going to church and reading the Bible. He says he can no longer hear Gods voice and is lost. He's making financial mistakes that are concerning me. We have a young son who needs his daddy to be okay again. Please pray for him. Thank you for your prayers ♡
I agree on the response in that a Husband should lead and overcome the offense and not sulk, but Im amazed that He did not address the ungratefulness and disrespect that the wife showed the husband, especially when she disrespected him publicly. I feel that too many tiptoe around anything that is confrontational to women. Truth is there is an epidemic of irresponsible men that don't Love their wives as they should and don't lead their families spiritually or otherwise, but there also is an epidemic of women that don't respect, value or honor there husbands. Word needs to be done on both side. Its not only WHAT is said, but he WAY it is said. I would argue that both are equally important. What good is truth without love?
Pastor John said something that confirmed what I suspected. He said there would be only a few conflicts where a wife would have to submit to her husband because most are resolvable. This contrasts with marriage researcher John Gottman's data which show that in average marriages fully 70% of conflicts are unresolvable. I suspected (from other Pastor John videos on marriage) that Pastor John's experience and marriage is extremely low conflict and he carries this experience over into his advice. Perhaps his wife is very submissive or they are very aligned in goals, outlook, and behaviors.
Marriage is a 2-way street… or else it's #DomesticAbuse.
But what do I do when my husband is combative, condescending and defensive, no matter how submissive or lovingly I bring anything up? I’m praying. That’s all I can do.
I will forever ask. What should happen here?
Why do we act like pastors are all knowing
Typical Piper“pull up your bootstraps and do better.”
What was Sapphira's responsibility in her marriage to Ananias? What was Ananias's responsibility in his marriage to Sapphira? What was the responsibility of any underage and/or adult children who may have been part of Sapphira and Ananias's marriage to both their parents and to their neighbors at the time too? I have thought about those questions without resentment and fear whenever reading the bible passage in Luke 9:48. Is the only reason I do not fear when reading that passage because I can say that I came from a working class family or what? Since I cannot explain my own feelings fully then I have no right to explain the nature of someone else's feelings during their entire life.
If men are in charge, doesn’t that make it their responsibility to solve marital conflicts? Since women are allowed so little power, it doesn’t make sense to then blame them for any problems.
That would be like suggesting that our governments problems aren’t controlled by the most powerful & influential people, but to blame all our problems on the least powerful members of society, such as the children of illegal migrants. Oh wait, I’m seeing a pattern here…
As a fiancè with a 3 year old, this hits home lol thank you John
Piper's This Momentary Marriage (free on the Desiring God site!) Is outside of the Bible the best book on marriage I have read, & used for further study. It has been extremely helpful & I encourage anyone reading this to go buy or download the book.
Great great advice 👍