How I Racked Up $10,000 Of Credit Card Debt For Other People's Weddings

Overthinking what i would do at my wedding:

– no church part, just a courthouse
– probably a small wedding*, i have 8 friends and 2 aquantainces i would like to invite. Only one in my birth family i would invite: my mom. Possibly my small cousin as well if he and i grow closer when i am closer to getting married.
– most of the guests i would invite would depend on who i was marrying, so i have no idea since i have not met anyone that i would want to get a long lasting relationship such as marriage
– i would make a cool party because i would love that my guests eat up and have fun drinking and dancing together
– i would not wear a white wedding dress, i would as a seamstress to make me something custom. Or i would possibly wear a tux. The dress or the tux would be in a bright color or pattern print.
– anyone invited could choose what they want to wear, as long as everyone is wearing clothes they like i would be happy for them to show up
– i would give out plus ones, i would want to meet my friends partners

*small wedding to me if it is in the next year:
No one in dads side of the family
Only mom on her side of the family
My engaged friend and his fianceé woman
My married friend, his wife and their 2 boyfriends
My married other friend, his wife, their kids
My married friend, his wife and their kid
2 single girl friends, who wont be dating anyone probably, but if they do have a partner i would invite as well
My single guy friend that may or may not have someone to bring along
The two aquaintances are currently dating and both are very cool
So my side would go up to 21max
A bride or a groom will be the other part of the wedding, so they can choose how many family members and friends they want to invite.

Unless whoever i marry is very charming, has tons of friends or a huge family… my wending would be 100 people or so

Now lets get real, no marriage any time soon for me, this is just hypotheticals

My take is: this whole culture of “not worrying the bride” is bullshit. Brides know how much things cost and they know how much their friends make. If a bride lets friends do that, it’s her responsibility too.

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Umm im sorry, but she is totally responsible to say, "I am not paying for drinks." like youre not a baby, speak up

She’s a jellyfish, I would’ve never paid for something I didn’t drink.

all inclusives are great for friend trips for this reason. splitting up every meal is so annoying.

If cocktails were $20 she was charged for 35 drinks (if they were $16 it’s more like 43). Heck, if they were drinking $100 bottles of champagne that’s still 7 bottles. That’s nuts

I actually lost a friendship of 15+ years over different expectations over wedding planning. I simply couldnt show up for the bride in the ways she wanted. I come from a family where we diy things, and so when we were asked to fund the wedding shower and cater food and such it seemed like needless expenses. It made me very frustrated with the idea that we shouldnt bother the bride and just treat them–as the first guest said, it adds up quickly.

I can happily report I've been in 4 weddings, but I never had to go into debt for any of my friends weddings. But then again, I have very practical friends.

I don't think anyone wants to force their friends to overspend, but more likely that they're caught up in the fun, excitement and beautiful vision and not doing the math of what the total cost is going to be until the credit card bill shows up. Especially for the bride who's having to make a million decisions. What makes it worse is that a lot of numbers are small per person, then you have to multiple by the guest count and then add it to everything else, and do this while 10 people are giving their input and asking questions about other items and events. Even for guest who are having to keep a running total of what their spending. It's a lot, so it's great to have talks like these to remind us of reality and give us a chance to think and plan ahead.

One thing I try to do for group meals is ask at the start of the meal if it's ok to do separate checks and set the bills up separately from the beginning and then tip the wait staff well for doing it. Then when I order an appetizer to share, I say to put it on my tab. Yes, it can be a little awkward, but I think doing the math afterwards is worse and living in a high tax area, I often forget to add 10% to the price I see on the menu.

Also, if someone isn't ok splitting checks up, I'd assume they're offering to pay for my bill. Then if they hit me with a venmo request later, I'll pay it. But also I straight up tell them, next time I prefer to get my own credit card reward points.

I'm not much of a drinking, so I can't imagine splitting a bar tab. After hearing her story, I'd have to
I would not be ok splitting the bill at the bar. Someone was ordering crazy expensive drinks and should have paid for them. I think this happens when folks want to cover the bride's or birthday person's tab, but she would have been better off slipping the bride a $100 bill than spitting the tab with the group.

The expensive drinks city was probably Charleston

Been a maid of honor 3 times and bridesmaid 6 other times. I relate to this content so much. This is why when I got married I didn’t want to burden anyone and didn’t have a bachelorette party or a bridal party.