Jamie Wolfer
3
You Probably SHOULDN'T Have a Wedding if…
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45 comments
“Invest in Bitcoin” caught me off guard😂
Travel and a home
For some reason, IDK why but when i was 9 years old I decided to never have a wedding party 😂😂
I will marry him without a wedding but we have never celebrated us together or individually so we want one.
But I don’t come from the wedding type of family so it seems silly talking to them about it so I’m having that internal conflict 😅
I really don't want a wedding but part of me worries I'll regret not having one / it will piss everyone off so much that they never get over it. I also want my fiancé to have one if it's important to him. I'm just not sure yet. But using that money for a beautiful destination elopement and honeymoon sounds waaaay more appealing to me.
Reasons not to: I hate being the center of attention. I don't get excited about any aspect of the wedding, besides my grandpa walking me down the aisle. I don't like parties. I hate fussy things and getting dressed up. I don't want to deal with the stress of worrying about everyone getting along. I don't want to open my relationship or any of my loved ones up to scrutiny, judgement, or gossip. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them, but I also need it to be super small. I don't want to deal with the awkwardness of my mom and dad (he cheated on her before I was born and they broke up) being in the same room. My mom already said she would "kill" my step mom if I invite her, but I'd have to if I had the wedding. Ugh it all sounds so terrible!!
Reasons to have one: My mom and grandma said I "have to" and act like me not having one isn't even in the realm of possibility. They claim the day will be "all about me" but it's already clear it will be all about them. My grandma said I can't "deny my mom her big day of being the MOB." My fiancé and his family probably want him to have one too. It would all be purely out of obligation.
I hate being the center of people, whew
Think of ‘getting married’ and ‘having a wedding’ as two separate entities. You CAN get married without having a wedding. When I hear ‘I can’t afford to get married…’ it just makes me think you care more about a wedding than actually being married. I wore a wedding dress to the courthouse and we went out to dinner and had cake with our family after. It was perfect.
Reason #6: your wedding planner seems like a neurotic, schizzed-out, psycho
Would please like advice. Me (40) and my bf (45) have been playing with the idea of maybe getting married one day. I'm currently about to have his baby. We've both been married and divorced before at young ages with children. He had a wedding of over 100 people, catered his own wedding, they did everything themselves to make it special and it was successful. My wedding had 30 people total, in-laws payed for everything, it was rushed and I had absolutely no say in it. I kind of feel ripped off on the experience. I never wanted anything big but wished it felt more special. Our current dilemma is that we (mostly me) no longer have "any" friends or family to invite. How can we make up and make it feel special for both of us without anyone to share it with? Anyone we could possibly invite most likely wouldn't/couldn't attend. We are unsure if we should bother or not. It's a nice thought but I don't want to feel ripped off on the experience again.
I love your character and your words of advice. Your sincerity and passion shines. Also, do you have your own wedding on your site to watch?
Were planning a wedding for 35 guests and it’s going to be an evening event. I’m wearing a black and white dress, we’re giving all single ladies a mini bouquet if they want to, because everyone deserves to feel hope. And keeps it as romantic and semi traditional as possible while being are whacky selves. I have a budget of 5k and it should be amazing with DIY projects to help out.
I've been watching your videos on and off for a long time now, even tho i'm not planning a wedding and if it ever happen we'll have a micro one. And I juste loved watching this video, it's wonderfull and you are wonderfull as always, honestly i'm mainly sticking on this chanel cause you seem so nice
My biggest thing is once you say the word "wedding" to vendors the price doubles compared to a family birthday party.
I am so discouraged that I cannot even be happy about finally getting married. Everything is so expensive. I am not ok with spending $20-30k.
I think it would be great if you made a video giving alternatives. Like, I don’t see myself having A WEDDING, but I also don’t see myself not having a ceremony at all. Not sure if that makes sense, but I’m always trying to consider what options I do have while understanding the traditional wedding route is not for me.
Yep, having a 87 day engagement! We’re doing it fast and we’ll done. Nothing is cheap in 2023, including wedding costs! Why waste an entire year 🤷🏼♀️
We got married 13 years ago for 3k. And we are still married! 😅
I want a ceremony, which I think is the important part, but not the reception. Thinking to have light refreshments after the ceremony in the church lobby. I'm not inviting people from far and just 40-50 of closest friends and family. Does this seem reasonable?
I seriously want to elope! I hope my future husband feels the same. As I get older, I'm realizing that simplicity is bliss! No drama. No stress 😅
I always wanted a fairytale wedding. But now that I'm pregnant it's gonna be elopement. We'll save the bigger party for later.
Also, I would love to be given away by a loving dad. Probably because I don't have one and I miss that. Gratefull that my FIL is a saint
Traditions we will not be doing at our wedding:
1. Not seeing eachother the night before or morning of, I see my fiancé everyday and not seeing him when we wake up on our wedding day will make me start the day off super nervous!
2. No speeches from wedding parties, they all are introverted and we don’t want to give people anxiety on a day that is also really big for them, they are our friends we know why we chose them and why they love us.
3. No boquet/garter toss: obvious as to why no garter toss but for the boquet toss it just takes time away from the dancing and a lot of people at our wedding are already married
I did SO much budgeting and our final cost is set to be about 30k USD. This is something we wanted though, and we saved and budgeted and spent two years planning it. On the flipside my whole family is very anti-wedding/weddings should be casual backyard affairs so I kept hearing how traditional weddings are just a giant waste of money and that we should just elope which hurt my feelings a lot.
We are skipping a lot of traditions though- many made us uncomfortable and some I just can't do because I'm disabled (chronic pain/mobility challenged). No garter toss, no bouquet toss, no father daughter dance, and adults only. Some we kept like white wedding dress (I don't ever wear white so wearing a floofy white ball gown was exciting!), mostly traditional ceremony, mostly traditional reception… Weddings are highly personal and it should be all about what the bride and groom want for their day!
I’m not doing a vow in front my guests lol,and I’m not having a cake maybe a macaron tower.
Love this topic. But it would be super helpful on your videos where you have lists, to have chapter titles for each point or visual titles in the video to scroll through. As someone with anxiety and OCD it's so hard to focus on the video while not knowing what's coming up. 🙁
I am already married. Me and my husband wanted to be married before our son was born so we filled out the paper and had the witness sign. I did not want to be rushed to have the ceremony and reception. Now I am starting to plan and no one really knows, so I don’t have the pressure from other people. It is just me and my husband talking about it. Plus I gave myself almost two years to plan so I could have room to breath and make good decisions not under pressure.
Before planning my wedding, I read books about alternative weddings and watched channels like yours 🙂 Then I had my flowerfree wedding without parent dances or tossing anything, with flat shoes, no professional hair/make-up, cutting our cake with two separate knives, walking into the church together with my husband in a cheap-ish dress without a veil but with bright-coloured jewelry and a bouquet made of buttons. My courthouse outfit was dark green instead of white. I did some things traditionally and others like I wanted it. It's great to do things traditionally but only if you REALLY want to do them 🙂 And no one should do anything wedding-related just because other people expect them to.
Jamie, do you know if you could cover Cocktail hour? Like, what if the benue doesn't have a separate space for it? How do you make it distinct from the main meal (especially if the "meal" isn't just one dish, but many) etc…
Thanks! (If you can see/get to this) 😄
I LOVEEE wedding planning but my budget does not haha. Either way, I am excited for my wedding day because my fiancé and I are family-oriented, and love traditional wedding stuff (besides the garter toss lol).
So true. You think you’re out of the woods of dealing with other peoples expectations of your wedding… and then you get pregnant & the same thing happens again 🙃😂
I dont want to have a wedding, and I still love your channel and content.
the cake thing is so true, LOL
For a good while we were dead-set against having a cake. In the end we changed our minds but told the baker "we dont care what it looks like, we just want it to be delicious". It was served instead of the dessert, people enjoyed it, and we saved money 😀
What I'm learning today is I shouldn't have a wedding (it's sept 9th 😅)
Hi hello, i am the embodiment of number 3. I hate being the center of attention. I’m afraid of the pressure to look perfectly picture ready the entire time. Buuuuuut my fiancé and i love being around friends and family. Any creative ideas on how to find a happy medium?
When my partner and I first got together we sat down and had a very serious conversation about what we wanted out of life and our relationship. There were three things we were firm on: we didn't want children, we didn't want to get married BUT I did want to have a big party and wear a ball gown. So for our 10 year anniversary this last May we had a gigantic anniversary ball. We felt that we didn't need a piece of paper or a ring, but we wanted to celebrate our love with our loved ones and that's what we did. We used this channel to help us plan our 95 guest count event and it was magical. Our friends family joke that it was a secret wedding and we don't mind, we let them joke. Because it was our special day and it was beautiful.
My wedding was $600, more or less. We made it a family potluck at my parent's home, which could reasonably host up to 40 people (we had almost 30 guests). The cakes alone were $200 total! It was beautiful, and it only took two months to plan. #armylife #armywife
I don’t believe in marriage or weddings for myself but I watch you because I am still in and attend weddings so I find it helpful
I love your usual content but this video showcases how truly hilarious you are. Great message and very entertaining delivery 😂
I am planning a micro candlelit wedding in a small barn at Christmas. My daughter is autistic and can become very sensory overloaded so instead of a disco/band we are having teams and are doing a games/activities/quiz evening instead after the reception. It will be very interactive but the day will run more like a traditional British Christmas Day, with the Ceremony snuck in. Cocktails, ceremony, dinner, speech’s, toasts and then games, with a final sparklers, s’mores and cheese board buffet for late night snacks around a fire pit.
I first got married 23 years ago and everyone told me that I would regret it if I didn’t have the big white wedding with all the traditions. Well I hated it. This time I am not having flowers, just foliage. I am not having tons of relatives there I have met barely once. I am having my favourite cocktail on tap and I will have as many as I like… but most of all I will be marrying someone who thinks the same way I do. It will be luxurious but it will not cost a house deposit (not even here in England). My thoughts to any bride to be, do it your way. And no we are not doing favours, not really a British thing. Xxxx
I think I might do a casual wedding. I’ve got a list of everyone that might want to be there but I don’t really want to be the most important person in the room. Just honor our families by inviting them and just have a big get together with our favorite people and have some food. Do some of the simpler traditions and maybe just have a first dance on our own.
I dont know but I’ve also had a bad day so I’m just about at the point where he proposes and we get hitched by Elvis in Vegas when I’m wearing a white sundress and have a bouquet of wildflowers that are picked along the drive to Vegas.
Just got married with 12 people for this very reason!
I cannot tell you how much money we saved by bucking the system, throwing out tradition, and setting boundaries. My dream wedding was under $12K ✨
It's too late in 20k in on a 8k budget don't know how this happened.
"If you're gonna spend a lot of money on your wedding day, make sure it's something memorable that you enjoy."
^^^^THIS RIGHT HERE^^^ We just got married last week and we spent just a little under $30k and neither of us would have done anything differently. I know if we'd had the super traditional wedding, and spent that much, we'd have for sure regrets but we got married in a castle, dressed in elaborate prince costumes, while our guests were all dressed as fairytale characters. It was like stepping inside of an actual fairytale for the evening. Multiple friends voiced that they were glad they didn't have any more weddings to attend this year because others would have a hard time stacking up. Even the staff (who do several weddings a week all warm season long) commented how our wedding was one they'd remember for a long time and one of the most fun. My advice to couples who want to have a wedding they won't regret is this:
1- Only spend money you have. We had the benefit of getting married in our early 40s so we're a bit more financially established, but had a hard and fast rule that we would NOT take on debt for the wedding.
2- Spend money on what's important to you. We had literally no decor in the ceremony and minimal decor at the reception. Flowers are super expensive so we just let the beauty of the venue speak for itself. Our cake of lovely but pretty minimalist, and our cake topper we spent $8 on from Temu. Meanwhile we spent a fair bit of money on our costumes (we DO like to be the center of attention).
3- Make the day whatever YOU want it to be. The only thing you need to do is find some time to say "I do" in front of a legal solemnizer and sign the paperwork. All the rest is up to you. Keep the traditions you like, ditch the ones you don't, add in whatever you want. It's your chance to go all in on whatever you imagine as your perfect party. Even if you want something fairly traditional, what you and your guests will most remember is where you and your partner's personalities show through.
Dang $30k!? Our elopement/honeymoon/reception was about $12k. We went to Scotland & Ireland so that was a big chunk of our budget. Worth it 1000% but our savings account was wiped out so trying to rebuild it and pay down the credit card debt that was also racked up.
Here's the thing, you don't HAVE to do anything that you don't want to do. Pick and choose what you want for your wedding and do them. We couldn't fathom spending more than $5k so that's our budget and it's going to be beautiful. We are introverts, so small guest list, no first dance, no speeches, no tosses, more traditional ceremony but no talking in front of everyone. Simple, meaningful and us. Don't let anyone tell what you can and can't do or that you shouldn't have a wedding because…xyz. Especially if you're paying for it!