Jamie Wolfer
1
AITA for Tricking the Parents? | PUSHY PARENTS Wedding Edition
https://www.wolferandco.com/yt/328/checklist
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Original REDDIT Posts:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cfdu6t/aita_for_accepting_money_from_my_parents_for_my/
42 comments
i only disagree at one point you make and it's that her agreeing to kids and a religious service is her "compromising". i agree saying that he's dictating is too harsh, but her agreeing to what she doesn't want is only a compromise if SHE is getting something out of it. so, it would be a compromise if she gets to decide on the reception. for example, the other things mentioned (earlier start, early pictures) are a compromise bc both parties would get what they want. but if she didn't want kids and didn't want a church service yet she has to get them, it's not a compromise. for example if we can't decide on dinner – you want meat and i want fish – a compromise isn't us getting fish. a compromise is we get fish but you choose dessert or you choose a different appetizers. both parties need to win in a compromise.
"I don't work a wedding under $20,000, why? Because I don't think people should be spending money on me if their budget is less than $20,000. That's why I make these videos." and the master plan. And THIS is why I'm already a binge-watching loyal subscriber when my $2,000 wedding is more than 18 months out and we haven't picked which park we're getting hitched in yet. You get it! There's plenty of rich people in the world who can pay for help but you're still helping the little people who can't. LOVE IT! Also, this is why "career coach" scammers drive me crazy, no the unemployed can't afford your $170 course just give them some dregs for free and focus on the nepo babies switching companies again.
I'm not even planning on having a 'wedding' proper and I'm still living for your takes on how to communicate with unreasonable (or just different) family members because that extends to lots of different situations
This sounds like a cultural issue. In some cultures your husband should provide for the home
Once you give money away it’s no longer yours. Parents have no right to tell her what to do with something that’s now hers.
Buble adjacent is my new favorite expression. I would not marry that dude. You’re joining your families together. Everyone needs to figure out how to get along. Yeah sometimes weddings are annoying and loud for some guests but it’s just a few hours and you move on.
She has 1 bad parent and 1 neglectful parent. Obviously 1 of her parents does not think they are responsible for helping her get on her feet while they had no problem doing so for the brothers. As a middle child I know how hard it is to try to be respectful to all and the Bride did do that. She is NTA
And yes people are crazy. We are here for it.
I think she didn’t have the convo on purpose. I also say a gift of $50k is a gift and shouldn’t have expectations. It is your wedding not theirs, so no convo needed.
OKAY SO!! I went and looked at OP from the second stories account just to see if there was more info or an Update….Yeah he deserved to get AH Status.
“I feel it is necessary to have two separate rooms because my family is not impressed by the big party weddings. I don't want them to judge me and my fiancee or spend the evening not enjoying themselves.
The original compromise was to do a religious ceremony with children allowed, followed by a child-free reception, but she agreed to change it to children being allowed at the reception after some of my family said they wouldn't want to deal with setting up childcare in the middle of a wedding.” This is a qoute from him, His family doesnt like big party weddings and “judges” them and he doesnt want his fiance being judged or himself….makes it seem like his family doesnt know his fiance or he makes her act different in front of them; then the fact She compromised to have a religious wedding with kids and a child free reception for him…AND HE MADE HER CHANGE IT AGAIN JUST BECAUSE SOME OF HIS FAMILY COMPLAINED!! Rather then tell those family memberss they dont need to be at the reception if they cant find childcare….so i dont think ppl were jumping too conclusions when they said all he does it listen to his family, I think they just saw his other comments on his own post
“I also worded it like that when I suggested it to my fiancee, but she said she knows it'll end up being just my family in the quiet room and that I'll end up spending more of my time in there. Yes, my family will probably end up being the only people in the quiet room but that is out of my control and I don't think it's wrong of me to want to spend more time with my family.” He literally cannot understand that his wife is gonna be part of his family and he will be part of her family….I dont think this guy truely understands how marriage works
We have a 50k budget for our wedding. My family is not helping us pay for the wedding but they are having opinions about how it’s unrealistic and too little of a budget. This channel is telling me something different. I guess I’m just confused
The 50k is probably what they saved up for her wedding this whole times it’s usually the parents of the bride who pay for the wedding. Also this notion that parents still have to treat their grown adult kids as equals as if they’re still children and give them equal anything is ridiculou, it’s entitlement. She still lived at home she doesn’t clarify what she was doing whether that was going to school or if she helped pay rent but is gonna ask where’s my 50’ for my home down payment like WTF. Why is that something she feels she’s owed 50k at all. And she did manipulate her parents she knew exactly what the money was for when it was given to her and becausae she didn’t get the money for the house she thought she was owed she opted to keep it and not use it for it’s intended purpose becuasae I bet she didn’t think of eloping before the parents gave her the 50k otherwise she would have said something
I mean I can see being mad that money isn’t being used how it was intended. However, if my kid chose to use their wedding fund as a down payment, I’d be pretty proud of them. There’s deeper issues here though. It’s not the money, it’s what the money symbolizes. Will the brothers get more money when they get married?
The second story, the weddings are supposed to blend families. It’s gonna feel so weird and the couples would have to split sides. They don’t sound in agreement already. Bride made plenty of reasonable suggestions. It is fairly common to have a chill wedding and then get rowdy when family leaves. I’m wondering why he wants his family separated. It sounds like this might be a good step for them, their values don’t seem aligned. She might have a future of never seeing her family.
Super smart of her and her husband to elope so that they can establish their life better. What extremely sexiest and male favoring parents.
Wait what? The parents are horrible, the groom is disgusting. This blogger is delusional and making excuses for toxic people 🤡
As someone who is asexual and aromantic I would consider the parents saying she can’t have any money till she gets married as bullying and even discriminatory. Yes as it happens she got married for her own sake, but that line in the stand is still problematic regardless of the daughter’s actions. I would call it bullying to get married. A person is still a bully regardless of their victims reaction. They are not suddenly absolved of that if their target reacts in a certain way. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own choices. Another persons reasons do not change that.
Of course the brothers agreed with the parents. That makes that $50,000 a gift for all of them since they all get a party and an opportunity to show off to friends and family. The brothers didn’t have to share their $50,000 with anyone. It was all for them. Plus the parents probably will or did chip in for brother’s weddings as well.
And yea “2room wedding” guy is an idiot. He strikes me as a “if it’s not happening to me directly it’s not that big a deal” kind of guy and naaaaahhhh he’s throwing some major red flags there
Good compromise has all parties at equal levels of unhappiness. I don't think groom is unhappy enough for this to be considered compromising because if he had given in on anything he would have included it in the post when talking about what she gave in on. Suck it up and make sure wife has a good time at your wedding or you'll be hearing about the disappointment for the rest of your shared life.
I know slightly off topic but I do like how you mentioned how you don’t work weddings that are under $20k because it really makes sense like if you don’t have atleast a $20k budget you probably won’t be having a large guest list and chances are because of the small guest list working at a venue that probably has experience in doing weddings at their venue and has connections/recommendations of other vendors like florists and whatever and can help because they may even have someone that works with in that venue that has that “wedding/event” coordinator function in their normal job that is atleast in my experience at where I work
First woman could never be an asshole when her own parents left her with nothing to be taken advantage of by a man, while giving their sons more than enough. All an excuse for misogyny, take their money and dip.
The first one: Not the asshole. If they wanted a wedding, they should fund $50K for a house and another $50K for a wedding.
Her parents are misogynistic. She responded perfectly. She did get married with the money, just had some leftover. 💁♀️
They would have made her life hell if she tried collabing with them on an event.
I have no family and my husband's mother gave us $50.00. That was insulting.
50k budget for a wedding is simply insanity.
9:47 THEN THE PARENTS NEED TO MAKE THAT CLEAR BEFORE THEY ACCEPT THE MONEY!!! It is on the parents if they don’t get the outcome they created in their brain!!! Stop making excuses for toxic people!!!!!! You need to clarify that!!!!
8:01 I love you so much… but you’re wrong! That money was conditional! We don’t know what they did behind closed doors, she lived at home for 3 years after that, and with that condition to the money… it’s safe to assume there was bullying. The condition itself is bullying.
To be honest. 1st story, she just wanted to be treated fair. Her brothers got a down payment but she needed to get married to get the same gift. She did something responsible with the money. Besides, if she had used for a trip it would be something else. But she just wanted the same treatment from her parents. And she got it… Even if it was not what they wanted.
A youngest son, who is used to getting whatever he wants simply because he's the baby, found an oldest daughter (how's that nursing degree going?) because she has been raised to sacrifice for the younger siblings. "I know it's your birthday, but he wants to blow out the candles too" energy all over this post.
Sorry but you are hugely wrong about the "repair the relationship" idea and not taking this misogyny seriously.
They clearly do not love or respect their child if they put fucked up gender roles before their child's needs like housing.
Those "parents" are only causing toxicity that needs to go.
First one- Justified AH. The parents are wrong for saying she can only get the money if/when she gets married. I think OP should have taken the money but talked to the parents not just eloped, but the parents are being selfish. Also how could they know that she will marry someone who has money saved? Maybe she wouldn't have gotten married, or would have married someone who is a good worker, but who's job doesn't pay well (or doesn't yet). For the second one- I wouldn't go so far as AH, just wrong. The bride's suggestions were all great. At most I would suggest having a venue where there's an area that will hopefully be a little calmer for whoever, from whichever family. I am guessing that it's more about him being afraid of what his family will think of hers than it is that he doesn't think they will enjoy the same type of party.
It’s clear to me that the parents in the first story are incredibly misogynistic 🤮
thanks for the fun video. Also we trying to recognise your badges, is the one with a lion cheslea football club?
In my opinion, when money is given towards a wedding it is a gift not a way to get what they want!!! Especially with the back story of what happened with the brothers! NO they are major bad parents because of their views on sons vs daughter!!!
YTA!!! Your fiance did her best to compromise with you and your being horrible!!!
This woman is amazing.
Story 2 just sounds like OP doesn't his fiance's family or his family doesn't like her family. This is sad. Great video as always, Jamie!
If the 50k was for a wedding, she knew it was for a wedding, and didn’t use it for a wedding, someone better have had expensive medical bills. Otherwise, yes, she’s the AH.
I so want updates on the last one there
Advice please: my wedding is coincidentally going to happen on the anniversary of the death of my bridesmaid’s sister. I was close to her sister and I want to do something to honor her on that day. I am planning on making a memory table for my fiancé’s father because his dad passed away from cancer last year, but I want to give his dad more focus than my bridesmaid’s sister for obvious reasons. What should I do?
As a bride whose parents are paying for a 1/3 of our wedding (~2.5-3k) yes and no. If they gifted me 50k specifically towards a wedding and I used it for a house they'd be furious because our family has two veins of gifting. The "hey here's money use it how you need" and "hey here's money use it for xyz"
Jamie, youre such an awesome judge of the comments section 🌟🌟🌟
I do agree with the groom that sometimes after the music cranks up (esp if you don’t care for the music) it can be unbearable. One wedding had a live band and our table had relatives from out of state and hard of hearing uncles. It was so loud that we all left at 9 pm. That wedding did not have a lounge for dining room you could adjoin too for conversation.
But of course eat in one location. My daughter’s wedding had the dining room separate and it worked out great.
For that 2nd one I'm kind of left wondering if those two are compatible. I agree those commenting took their projections waaay too far! But if religion and kids and quiet gatherings are his preferences and very much not hers… Religious beliefs are a big deal that couples should agree on as are desires for a family. How to spend down time maybe not as big, but still couples should be more on the same page. And differences of opinion are bound to happen, but both need to be willing to compromise. I'm concerned that they, or specifically the OP, are thinking they will be able to change the other person and the wedding drama is just the first of many conflicts in their relationship.
These videos are great!! A suggestion though would be to keep out the talk of how reddit commenters need to be better. We all know reddit commenters can be unhinged and often feels like those responses are directed at us as viewers rather than the reddit commenters causing the harm themselves