athompson
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How to Set Boundaries with Your In-Laws
Here are some tips on how to set boundaries with your in-laws when you are about to have a baby.
How do you guys feel about this approach?
While I don’t have any personal experience with this (I genuinely have the best in-laws), I have found this method to be the best when it comes to family…
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Hi friends! I wanted to note not all the videos I make are about my personal experiences. I cover topics based on the most popular questions I get on my weekly Ask Me Anything I host over on Instagram. I have been so incredibly blessed with the most AMAZING, loving, and generous in laws and family. And while I can’t relate to those who struggle with theirs, I like to use my platform to offer solutions to help open the lines of communication between family members. I truly do believe family is the most important and a child only thrives when they have more love in their life. However, I wish more people considered the vulnerable time moms experience during postpartum and would show her more understanding and compassion as she navigates this new journey ❤
DAMN RIGHT! 👍🏻🏆
Thanks for your opinion. Not all families are the same. Sorry you have to go through this.
Makes me a bit scared to get married
Some people are using “boundaries” as a way to push out the husbands side of the family and be cruel to their mother in laws it’s quiet sad that this has become okay in society. What happened to healthy relationships, it’s just cut them off we’re family now. Yes you’re a family now but if it wasn’t for the one who gave birth to your husband you wouldn’t have your new found family. There should be a level of honor there, where people can co exist and get along.
The worst case scenario is when your husband prioritise his family above me. It’s like he can’t set boundaries with family and friends.
It’s like he has a “people pleasing mentality.” I tried to talk to him about boundaries but he always argues back and does not see it necessary. He thinks I am trying to separate him from his family.
Help! My spouse doesn’t see how damaging his relationship with his parents is. They will call him at all hours of the night to do xyz. His dad knows English well enough to own a business but uses him to pay the laborers.
Spouse uses my Amazon and Sam’s card to purchase items for everyone in his parent’s home (2 older siblings and their kids from 6-18 years old). They’re from Mexico and I understand the culture is different, but my spouse has been here in the US for 25 years- since he was 8.
If we go a day without bringing our 2 year old by, they call and want an explanation.
I cannot say anything even remotely negative about his family or have an opinion about anything- or he’s triggered.
What can I do? What caused this? Is this culture or is it something deeper?
The only way I can see this working is to move far far away so he can gain independence.
I already know Im going to move out if state when time comes.
I'm probably seeing this short out of context, so… i think your husband defending your boundries is definitely a good thing but just demanding or expecting him to take actions based strictly on your opinions with out him agreeing could be a violation of his autonomy as well. There would have to a healthy negotiation and boundries set on that as well. Expecting actions from others isn't what boundries are about, boundries are about not having actions taken against you. Baby mommas aren't necessarily not also toxic.
Ser the boundaries right away!! Even before you meet them!! Ser those boundaries and speak on it and go over it with your spouse/gf/bf!!! Make sure your spouse is an actual adult that has DECENTERED his parents and family of origin!! Your spouse is supposed to know your boundaries regarding their in laws/relatives! It's about knowing each other as q couple, respecting that (who you are) , ans protecting each other from your families of origin!! If you can't protect me ✌🏾 LEAVE them!!
What if she only disrespects me when husband is not present, and denies it
My husband never does
He doesn’t know what boundaries are
Boundaries over here look like: keep playin wit me and we all finna be a casualty
Love love love love. Really struggle with this. This applies to everything with in laws too , not just baby stuff !
This is how people wind up divorced from their families. Good luck.
Ideally, you DO NOT MARRY/CONCEIVE WITH someone who always (or even mostly) sides with their parents and against you. If they hardly ever or never side with you, honestly either they're the problem, or you are. And in either case, it's best to separate.
Obviously this advice is not helpful when you already have a newborn, but hopefully you heed it before it gets to that point. YOU and BABY are their immediate family now, NOT their parents. YOU AND BABY and their new priority, and they WILL abide by your boundaries.
Years ago, I had friends attempt to drop by unannounced to my house to see my new baby. They tried to buzz themselves in, they called me from the street but I ignored them. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. To this day I have not regretted making that decision. New Moms and Dads need to take control of these situations as early in their pregnancies as possible.
😂 I'm glad i had wonderful in-laws. They were stood at the door watching my c section and saw EVERYTHING. 😂 I didn't care or think twice. I'd have had them in the room but wa already had 20 people in the there so I was only allowed 1 person. So the rest were allowed to watch through the door. I couldn't imagine having a partner with a family i didn't like. That would have made me walk away WAAYYY BEFORE having a baby 😂 if you don't like their family and can't get along then you just shouldn't be together. It's just going to be a miserable life and the kids will feel like they're growing up in a divorced/split apart family. It's not fair. If you can't all get together it's going to be MISERABLE, always arguing and fighting about where to spend the holidays and with who's family. Then one will ALWAYS be left out. Urgh it's my nightmare. I cared for my mother in law and helped her shower and wash her hair, i cared for my father in law after his heart attack and surgery the same as i would my own father. We lived together for a couple of years, us with his brother and his girlfriend and I'd help him tidy for date nights. Honestly these stories sound like a nightmare. Most just come across as being control freaks. Like her parents can do whatever they want but HIS family needs permission to even visit. Urgh. That's definitely NOT going to destroy the relationship. He's going to LOVE seeing your parents waltzing in and out while his parents have to beg. Everyone should be welcome exactly the same. Or NOBODY should be. If you don't like his family DON'T have kids. Don't even stay together. But ESPECIALLY DON'T drag kids i to your drama and control issues. You're ALL supposed to be FAMILY. If you can't even act like it it's not a family. And WILL fall apart. BOTH family's are EQUALLY represented in your child so you disliking each others parents is only going to make your child hate part of themselves. They pick up on your negativity. And hold onto it forever.
incubator for your granchild 😂😂😂
I’m still seen as the bad guy though. She knows what happened to make it impossible for her to psychologically abuse my husband.
Leading #1 cause of divorce in America ARE in-laws……don't have any if you want a happy family 😁😁😁😁
Yes 👏
As a soon to be grandma, I whole heartily agree. I tell my DIL that I will help where and when she wants.
I had my first baby four weeks ago. Normally my MIL is incredibly nice, but I did have some issues. When she first met the baby, my husband my MIL and my MILs mom were all taking pictures together, and completely left me out of all of them. Also, they ignored us half of the time when my husband and I were trying to talk about our time at the hospital and the birth (a lot of things didn’t go to plan.) And whenever my MIL would mention my baby she would say “Nanas baby” or just simply her baby. Like, no ma’am, that’s MY baby. Luckily she didn’t visit for long and lives in another country right now.
Also, my husband hadn’t seen his mom for months and I know he was very overwhelmed with everything we’ve been going through, so I wasn’t upset with him at all over the pictures. When I brought it up to him later he could’ve sworn that they took pictures with me too.
The problems some people have. All my friends and family live on another continent. How lucky other people are to have help and support available to them on demand, so much so that they need videos about how to refuse or reduce it.
My husband constantly chooses his mom over me. I hate both of them . She literally wants to mother my child and he wants to let her.