Jamie Wolfer
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WHO SHOULD YOU INVITE?! Guest List Do's and Don'ts
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23 comments
I am close to my extended family however my fiance is not so if i invite my cousins does he need to invite his?
Eh honestly we decided to just do kids we know well as if they were their own guests tbh. My family friends kids I used to babysit all the time? For sure coming. My cousins four under four that I haven’t even met? Nah.
Man, to each their own, but i can't even imagine a wedding without kids. And that's coming from someone whose first wedding ended up with a kid in the ER (yes, MY kid, the bride's). And i still would never not invite kids.
That being said, I hate that all my coworkers immediately invited themselves. I wanted a small guest list and i work at a big place.
B listing guests are soo rude and tacky. Only send one invitation at the same time. B listed people often don’t have time to RSVP and they know they are used as a body to fill a seat because A list people declined to begin with. If I was B listed I wouldn’t go to set up clear boundaries.
About having to invite all the uncles/aunts/cousins to not ruffle feathers… My aunt's 3 daughters didn't invite us to their weddings so the feathers are pre-ruffled and they definitely aren't invited 😂
I was once asked to be a bridesmaids for a high school somewhat friend. She said the save the dates should be coming in the mail…never did. Never got an invite and eventually just stopped hearing from her and her "bridal party" never seen a picture of them . Itwas so weird! I was aksed to be a bridesmaid then never spoke to her again haha what??
Breaking the cousin rule. I’m only inviting 2 cousins. Unless my mom offers to pay for the others.
I was hoping to get info on how to invite two people that you love but who can't stand each other, or tricky things like that. If it's been too long since you saw someone, is it a faux pas to invite them? Or for them to come?
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law had a child free wedding with the exception of our son. He stayed for the ceremony (well, tried to run off, so my husband's cousin went to grab him) but once the necessary pictures were over, we dropped him off at a friend's house for the evening so we didn't have to worry about a 2 year old. We just picked him back up at the end of the evening. 🤷🏻♀️ We won't have a child free vow renewal as most of our friends have kids (as do we). If we had a big wedding when we first got married, it'd probably be kid free. 🤷🏻♀️
These are the rules if you care about not offending people.
"If you invite one cousin then you must invite every cousin?" No. What you must avoid is a guest list that "airs the dirty laundry in public." You don't want excite malicious speculation about "Why did they invite Cousin Peter but not Cousin Paul?" But if the omission would not be conspicuous or remarkable, you may invite your dear friend Cousin Peter without incurring obligation to also the barely known Cousin Paul and spouse.
"Please don't feel offended if I don't invite your children." No. You have generously offered these parents food, drink, a wonderful good time AT YOUR EXPENSE. If they feel entitled to a better offer, then they do. But you needn't meet their highly entitled expectations not apologize for failing to do so.
"If you invite ANY children, then you must invite the children of EVERY guest." No. Your wedding is for people who are dear to you or perhaps dear to a parent, a grandparent. Again, unless the omission is conspicuous or remarkable, you may invite 4 year old Little Katie who is near and dear without obligation to also invite every preschooler of every guest.
Those who are married or engaged must be invited as a couple. If a guest NEEDS a companion (the infirm, the disabled, &c) then that companion should also be invited. But the notion that including ONE second cousin obliges one to invite ALL second cousins? FOLLOW THE MONEY. This is Wedding Industry unauthorized re-invention of etiquette to increase SPENDING.
PS If you choose to invite "a special friend:" for a guest, invite that special friend by name. There is no polite way to say "You may come to my party if you wish but I don't care enough about you to find out what your name is and actually INVITE you." The notion that unmarried guests should have anonymous guests of their own (Plus Ones), guests they entertain at YOUR expense? More Wedding Industry nonsense to swell guests with people hosts can AND SHOULD omit. Singles may be invited as singles. (Who is single? If you're not married and not engaged, you're single. Want to be invited everywhere as a couple? So get engaged already.)
that unmarried guests must be allowed to bring some anonymous human emotional support animal (someone they barely know?) is again The Wedding Industry mucking up etiquette so as to swell guest lists with easily omitted
In my experience it worked out fine to invite everyone who wanted to come, to the ceremony and morning tea afterward. We just had immediate family, wedding party and guests who came from interstate at our wedding reception.
If you haven’t hung out with me and fiancé together as a couple, an invite is not coming your way 🤷🏾♀️ if I haven’t talked to you in the last week, do not expect an invite 🤷🏾♀️ OR if you were not a significant part of my life growing up, you are not invited!
I love my nephew. If anyone tries to hurt him, I will bash their heads in. But you best believe I will either
A: have a child free wedding
B: tell my aunt & uncle to leave him home.
Why? Because he is the biggest brat in the state we live in. He will 100% ruin something, be it the ceremony or the cake. He will cause a scene & ruin the mood.
The only DO: Do invite who you want to have at your wedding. Period.
Haha this list isn’t very helpful to Asians BUT i’ll try lolol
My own cousin didn't invite me to his wedding so I'm not inviting him to mine 😂 easy
I'm not inviting any smokers because hubby is allergic
Had some friends from church who I thought my boyfriend and I were decently close to and didn't get invited even though a bunch of other people from our small group got invited. Really hurt by that and now considering not inviting them to our wedding.
Wedding guests is such a stressful part of wedding planning. Whos gonna fight who? Whos gonna buck up and be nice? Who is worth sepdning the money on? Who's gonna be majorly butthurt
My future brother in law’s girlfriend and I don’t get along, like we can’t be in the same room. My fiancé says to invite her because if she doesn’t go his brother won’t. But he’s in the bridal party. I just know she will start drama. Should I suck it up and invite her or stick to my guns as the bride.
I would say if your one of those people with a cousin who is basically your sibling vs the ones you never talk with would be an exception to that rule.
I do agree on the only inviting family kids and “family” kids, vs the kids of friends you don’t interact with their kids. Also like your plus one “rule,” if the couple has been together less than 6mos there is no reason for the other person to be coming. Why would anyone invite coworkers, small group, etc if they aren’t friends outside of that environment?
This video promotes people pleasing with the comments about "if you invite one child or one aunt you need to invite the rest". Not even worth watching the rest of the video. Bye.